April 4, 2006
It has been six weeks since we delivered Brody. I had imagined how our lives were going to be changed when he came home to live with us - how crazy things were going to be at first, and how in time Brody and Denzel would move into a rhythm of their own as brothers. I never could have imagined how our lives would be impacted by his sudden death. Yet six weeks later I can honestly say that we are changed, that our lives hold a different purpose than we ever could have imagined, that our lives are truly not our own, but our Father's to do with as He sees fit. Our hearts are bigger, and while our souls ache to know Brody, we are learning to build his new life into our daily lives.
I met a new friend last week - actually, Brody introduced us. Her name is Maggie, and she has a son who was born in December. Nicholas lived for 100 days before he too was cradled by Jesus' arms. Maggie had reached out to me when she heard about us losing Brody, and while Nicholas was still alive. Nicholas suffered complications during delivery and Maggie knew when she reached out to me that Nicholas' life would not be a long one. I had not responded to her note to me, and then I heard that Nicholas had passed away. I reached out to her, knowing that the pain she was experiencing couldn't easily be identified with by those who had not lost a child they loved.
Nicholas and Brody have become best friends. I hadn't shared this with you before now, as part of me knew that this relationship was a mourning mother's creative way of giving life to her son. For me it has provided comfort and that was enough, but now it feels like it is time to share the boys with you.
Every morning I light a candle and share a few moments with Brody. When Nicholas passed away on March 15, I asked Brody to find him and to show him around Heaven, I asked him to find out from Nicholas what it felt like to be held by his mommy's arms. I found peace in knowing that Brody might be able to somehow understand what it would have been like to have been born and loved on the outside of me. I didn't share this with any of you, as I knew it would sound a bit out there.
But yesterday I received a beautiful gift from Maggie, she emailed me to tell me about a neighbor who had stopped by. This neighbor is a preacher's wife, someone who Maggie has met on 3 occassions - so not someone who is very close to her - once before Nicholas was born, once when she stopped by to meet Nicholas, and then at Nicholas' funeral. This is what Maggie shared with me:
She said she was doing the dishes at 11:45 pm last night and all of a sudden she felt this peace come over her and Nicholas came to her mind, and then she heard this very loud and contagious laughter. She looked around to see who it was and when no one was there, she closed her eyes and said Nicholas came to her and he was laughing and playing so joyfully. She said she did not know who he was playing with, but he was just so bright and full of happiness.
It gave Maggie and I no doubt that it was Nicholas and Brody up there, playing and enjoying their spiritual lives. We have no idea why they chose this person to come to, but we are comforted to have had a glimpse at the other side.
My heart is expanding to contain all that life is - just as your knees hurt when you were having growing pains as an adolescent, so does my heart hurt. But in the end it will be able to hold so much more and experience so much more, for that I am thankful.
Brody has never left us, and will always be a part of our lives, just in a very different way than we ever could have imagined.
I hope your day is one of peace,
Kiele 
